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Update from the vp - august 2, 2017

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  • Update from the vp - august 2, 2017

    Hello to all of our Esteemed Players,

    Yes you, our wonderfully inactive player base who we continually cater to in order to ensure our profits continue to soar downward in an endless spiral of wonderful creative accouting.

    I sincerely apologize for a lack of update from your esteemed VP over the past while. Rest assured we are all working diligently during our summer holidays to ensure that the continual loop of overly usefully useless events continue to ensure our downward success business model.

    To all of our Elite Premium Platinum players who are among our most loyal and only players remaining, we're excited to offer you our NEW SHUTTLE PROGRAM! For another low, low cost of $800 to your credit card, we will gladly ensure all of our previous shuttles remain bugged and offer you a new "C" shuttle (Collector's) to add to your beautiful assortment of wonderful products that are readily available.

    We plead with you all to take advantage of our NEWEST Daily Consumption cycle, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. (and resets and loops back)

    We've received some feedback, so I am told, about the lack of meaningful events, mainly our spending event, discount shop and many other programs that we offered in the past. Let me explain this to you, in an effort to better serve our remaining customer base, we've "restructured" our organization and are happy to announce that our profit margins have INCREASED DRAMATICALLY since we've "restructured" our staffing levels to include ME, MYSELF and I. Rest assured your esteemed VP is always here to assist in anyway that I can't. Please also take satisfaction in knowing that I will personally ensure our billing system is functioning around the clock to BETTER SERVE OUR WONDERFUL PLAYERS.

    Insincerely,

    Mike Hunt
    VP of Restructuring your Wallet
    Last edited by lpvan; 08-02-2017, 02:53 PM.

  • #2
    The price of my credit card interest is way do high. Do you think you could maybe offer a gold lacquered platinum ID 10T card
    from Samba with a 1% cash back for purchases from STAD?

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    • #3
      umm... no sept update from VP?

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